A power walk down memory lane

I never know how to start a reflection without sounding sappy or corny:

• "I thought it was going to be horrible, but (insert activity/topic) turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life"
• "I learned so many new things; not only about (insert activity/topic), but also about myself"
• "I can't believe the time has flown by so fast. It seems only yesterday when I started (insert activity/topic)"

You get the picture, and I know you've heard all of those lines before. So I'll do my best not to say too many phrases like that during this post.

But let's look back, shall we?

My first blog post. Frankly, it screams "inside joke". I hate inside jokes. They were funny in middle school. Now I hate them; nobody wants to be the one left on the outside of the joke. Saying inside joke is just a way to make yourself feel important. But it just makes you seem pompous (I suppose there are exceptions because there always are; just in general, though). So I don't care for this post very much, but it's in my history, so I don't want to delete it. It will remind me to avoid such things in the future.

Well, that got way off topic. Sorry, readers!

My first real blog post. I ended this one with "Did I do it right? I'm not sure." That pretty much sums up my feelings for a blog. I had never seen one- and had heard about them only in the context of people sitting with their laptops in coffee shops. So I felt a little bit like a baby bird tossed out of its nest to learn how to fly. This blog was wishful thinking- I used an article and commented on my thoughts. It's not a terrible post, just the expectations it set were too serious for what I wanted to do.

My first (and best) rant. Yes, I was (and still am) against ranting to the world constantly. But I have grown to accept that perhaps it is entertaining for readers to read complaints that are interesting (and not completely self-centered). And it's not boring to write, either. This post also had my first video (a now common theme among my posts).

Blog with the most comments. I got three comments on this post- a record for me.

Blogs total: Counting this post, I will have 84 blog posts. I can't believe that! It really doesn't seem like I've done that much, but it seems I have.

Overall, blogging had its moments. Some months I blogged like crazy (in April '09 I had 20 posts alone). Other times there were spells of writer's block (like this post and this one and this one). But I think it has been a good experience so far. It forces me to write a little better than normal, knowing that other people have the opportunity to read it. Will I keep blogging after this year? Not as religiously, but yes. I like the idea of having a website of my own (even if its not visited that much). And I feel technologically savvy (something I'm not used to, because I'm just horrible with computers).

But enough about me and this blog. It's a great day out; you should go and have a picnic or something.

Seniors

It feels weird knowing they will be graduating and leaving so soon. And yet, I feel odd about how I am going to miss them. I don't really have that many friends in the grade above me. Acquaintances, yes. People I talk to daily, yes. But no one I really spend time outside of school with. And yet, as I continue to get graduation party invitations, I find myself becoming sad as I think about their departure.

The same type of thing happened last year, too, I suppose. When my sister graduated, I felt that my life at home and in school would never be the same. She, her friends, and classmates all left our high school, and I thought that part of me would leave with them. But looking back, it didn't shake my world like I was expecting (you see all of those movies about how people are never the same once people leave). I didn't have many times where I thought, "My life would be so much better if they were all back here like it was my sophomore year." People around me had changed, but my life pretty much stayed the same.

Understanding that this year I have no family member leaving me, I can only assume that my feelings will be the same: painful at first, but then adaptation to my new role later. Don't get me wrong: I will miss many seniors. But they will move on and I will too.

Although comforting, this bothers me in some ways. Why don't I miss people more? I always assume our separation will be heartbreaking. It is painful at first, but after a few weeks I am back to normal. Is that how it is with everybody? Or is it just me that reacts like this? Does it mean I don't connect to people as much as I should, or does it mean I'm in healthy friendships and relationships because I am able to let go? I don't know.

Feeling no sadness makes me feel scared. If I got over a family member leaving, am I incapable of having strong feelings for anyone? It seems to me that the positive emotions I feel for people are inflated in my mind- I make myself feel that there is a stronger connection than there is (the same cannot be said for dislike- if I hate someone, those feelings take a long time to disappear, if ever). I only realize that perhaps I had exaggerated our relationship once they are gone and I feel fine. Or is it true that I feel strongly for them and I'm just 'cutting the cord' to make it easier on myself? I'm not sure. This is just a ramble of thoughts with questions that will most likely never be answered.

I (and you) need to stop thinking all of these sad thoughts. They never got anyone anywhere but down in the dumps. Besides, I believe that things will work out if you put in the effort and have a little faith.

To all of the seniors, congratulations on making it through high school! I hope you all able to do what you love, and I hope nothing ever holds you back but yourself.

Oh no.

I have to start working on Tuesday.

I had gotten lucky at the start of the spring term- I had so much tennis that it was impossible for me to come in and work. I asked my coordinator if I could delay my start date until after the regular season. She was really flexible and agreed.

Unfortunately, the regular season has ended, and I received an email from her telling me that a new project would be starting soon. If I would be able to come in and work on it, it would be recommended. Well, I didn't want to push her- she had been nice enough. So I responded with the enthusiastic, "I would love to!"

But I didn't give her the impression that I was a genius (she already knew that from the c++ classes). I even let her know I was nervous about my abilities. She reassured me, letting me know that I would be on a project with someone she referred to as "brilliant." She explained he would be located in the cubicle next to me, ready to assist me if, more like when, I have no idea what I'm doing. Perhaps his genius will even rub off on me. Or maybe he'll go and complain to my manager about how "that stupid annoying girl" won't leave him alone.

Please cross your fingers for me. That would be much appreciated!

Slumdog Millionaire

Yes, yes, I know- this movie came out months ago. I had heard great things about it and have been wanting to watch it for a long time, but I kept putting it off until my sister came home (I had promised her we would watch it together, and by the time she arrived my homework load would be less obnoxious). I went into the film with high expectations- something I hate to do but can't help. You know when you go into something expecting greatness, and you always come out disappointed because it couldn't live up to your inflated expectations? I worried that this would happen with Slumdog Millionaire, because I have been in desperate need of a movie to lift my spirits.

You know what? I came out loving it. My expectations were fulfilled. The movie, a story of a poor, uneducated contestant on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, is as incredible a film as I have ever seen. Throughout the movie, he is accused of cheating for continually knowing the answers to increasingly difficult questions on the show. Yet you discover that it was his life (destiny, as the movie puts it) that had given him all of the answers. He has lived them.

You learn of his heartbreaking childhood, a lost love, and a struggle between brothers. You find yourself urging on the poverty-stricken children, praying for their safety, and begging characters to do....well, whatever they are supposed to do to make the story come out right ("No, don't leave!" "Turn around! Turn around!" "Run! Run! No, that way! Other way!"; you get the picture). The story greets you, envelopes you, and before you know it, it has captured your heart. For anyone who disagrees with that statement, I would be interested to hear why you were not entranced.

The film is based on Vikas Swarup's novel Q&A, if any of you are interested in checking that out. I think I'll have to put it on my summer reading list.

If I haven't done so already, I do apologize that this review is done in such delay to the movie. I suppose this is sort of like a 'last call' to all of you out there who have not seen it yet. If you think this is just another movie that can be set aside, please reconsider. Seeing this film may not change the course of your life, but it can touch your heart, giving you faith that even in the worst of situations, people can persevere.

Go rent it.

"Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory

Why are you online right now?

It's Mother's Day, for goodness' sake! Get your little rear out of that computer chair and go hug your mom. You're probably asking me why I'm doing this blog, then. My mother is actually not in town right now, but will be home later tonight when I will spend time with her then.

Not much for hugs? Go and buy her a gift (like flowers, a cute purse, or even an ice cream cone- I'm not talking big bucks here; just something so that she knows you were thinking about her). And you don't even have to buy anything- just make her a short card. I know, I know, I'm not one for the lovey-dovey-let's-talk-about-our-feelings cards. I'm not that type of person. I'm not one to write, "You've always been there for me and I love you always." It would just be a weird moment (would she expect that type of writing now every time I make a card? Would I be expected to share my emotions? Gross). So just write honestly (and kindly, mind you). If the card thing freaks you out, just spend time with her.

Your mom's not in town? Call her. Seriously, it's one measly day of the year- I think you can manage to set aside a few moments.

Why are you still reading? Go!

25%

That's how many of my AP tests I have completed. I took the US History test on Friday morning. What did you guys who took it think? I thought the multiple choice was kind of a jerk- we're not on speaking terms at the moment. But the essays weren't too bad. From the people I talked to, most said the same thing- which is both good and bad. It's good because that means I wasn't stupid for marking over 30 of the multiple choice questions as, "I'm not 100% sure about this one" (more like "I'm not even 50% sure about this one but I answered it anyway"). The bad news is that our score we receive is based on how everybody else did. If everyone thought the test was what I thought of it, then I really have no idea what my score will end up being.

Oh well. It's over.

But wait! I forgot to tell you about my little testing fiasco (yes, I know, my life is so full of drama and you can't wait to hear about what happened to me because every story I tell keeps you on the edge of your seat). So THERE I WAS, walking into the testing room in a freaking-out yet slightly confident mood. I had done a test in the exact same room the year before- and I knew how they worked. You found your name on the long tables and sat down. Yeah- that was difficult for me last year-how was I supposed to know they were in alphabetical order? But I was so ready this time. I even knew the general area I would be sitting in. Oh yeah, call me genius.

I walked town my predicted aisle, searching for my name. I found the letter, I found the second letter close to mine, and then.......wait? what!? Where was mine? I went back and forth between the two seats that my booklet should have been between and IT WASN'T THERE (gasp!). Then our school coordinator came up to me and told me they couldn't find my book. What a soothing statement. Would that mean I couldn't take the test? Couldn't get credit? That I had taken that entire year of history for nothing simply because they couldn't find my booklet with the AP labels and bar codes in it?

I know I'm getting you worked up, and I apologize. Don't worry and breathe easy, readers; it all turned out to be okay. They simply had me sit at a desk in the back of the room with some other kids whose booklets had gone 'missing'. And halfway through the test, she found my booklet (I guess it was in some other testing room- I bet they stole it, because who wouldn't want my book with my labels and my bar code?). No harm done, except to my fragile little nerves. But don't worry, I'm in full recovery. Nothing a little therapy couldn't fix.

Now I only have tests Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and then I'll be home free for the rest of the year. I'll cross my fingers for all of you guys taking them too. Hope your book doesn't get lost and you kick the test's butt!

www.patheos.com

This is a website just launched this past Tuesday, and was promoted by an article on the Time website. Patheos.com is, as the site itself puts it, "the premier online destination to engage in the global dialogue about religion and spirituality and to explore and experience the world's beliefs." The web page includes ten religious "gateways" (although some are still under construction): Buddhist, Catholic, Evangelical, Hindu, Jewish, Humanist, Muslim, New Age, Pagan, and Protestant Mainline. A site for religion. Cool, you think.

Actually, it is cool. Saying just that it's a place to talk about God doesn't bring the whole idea into focus. Patheos.com is a place to explore, experience, and engage in religion. You are able to see to see unbiased, accurate information on multiple world religions. News feeds dealing with each religion are available. In addition, you can talk to people of other faiths, questioning where their religion stands on controversial issues like abortion (or just questioning their religion at all). You can even search for places of worship in your area (did you know there are 391 in Cedar Rapids alone, including Zen and something called Christian Science?), and get links to religious retreats. This website has it all.

And it's about time. We have all heard the spiel about how we live in a faster-paced, technology-based world. How we want things now, do things quickly, have immediate access to almost anything we want. Religion has always seemed to be a connection to an older, simpler way of life. And I love that feeling- that through a faith I am connected to people that lived hundreds of years before me. But Patheos.com is a connection to the here and now- a second connection that many faiths have struggled to create or maintain in our times. It gives us a picture of other faiths we may not have gotten as easily otherwise(well, you could walk into a mosque, sit and take notes, and ask questions. They actually probably wouldn't mind, but I would find it personally awkward and uncomfortable).

As I was writing this post, I decided to sign up for an account on the website. I have no idea if it will do me any good, but at least it's a chance to connect with people of other faiths out there. It's intimidating though- if I argue for my religion, I had better have the facts to back it up (many of the discussions are filled with research and insight- a setting that prevents the desire to post whatever stupid comment you want). I think I'll observe for a while and watch the website get going. It has great potential- I would recommend checking it out.

Ameriquest commercials

Gotta love 'em. Here are a few:

And you thought you'd seen them all.

I find this infomercial offensive for multiple reasons:

1. We're zooming in on boobs. Half of the video is closeups of women's breasts. And they're moving very unnaturally in a way I don't want to describe. Watch the video if you want to see it. People don't just constantly stare at the female bust (unless they're absolute perverts). So when it's the only thing to look at, I feel uncomfortable. Especially as a girl.
2. Why is this on tv? Yes, I understand they're not doing the commercial tastelessly. In fact, they're probably doing the best job possible with such a topic. But still. its awkward. Who gave this ad the ok to be on daytime television? And it looks so shallow (of course there are times when most women want bigger boobs; but the product seems directed towards insecure women unable to just be happy with themselves).
3. Do you really think it will actually work? Although the movement is impressive, do you really think you will go up in bra size? Or even be able to keep it that way if you do? I don't know. I admire the commercial's effort to change without going under the knife, but once again, it seems to be preying on the desperate.
   

Moral of the story: This thing is stupid. Just be happy with yourself.

If you really want to, though, if you call RIGHT NOW you could get it for $9.99 plus shipping and handling. What a deal!