Seniors

It feels weird knowing they will be graduating and leaving so soon. And yet, I feel odd about how I am going to miss them. I don't really have that many friends in the grade above me. Acquaintances, yes. People I talk to daily, yes. But no one I really spend time outside of school with. And yet, as I continue to get graduation party invitations, I find myself becoming sad as I think about their departure.

The same type of thing happened last year, too, I suppose. When my sister graduated, I felt that my life at home and in school would never be the same. She, her friends, and classmates all left our high school, and I thought that part of me would leave with them. But looking back, it didn't shake my world like I was expecting (you see all of those movies about how people are never the same once people leave). I didn't have many times where I thought, "My life would be so much better if they were all back here like it was my sophomore year." People around me had changed, but my life pretty much stayed the same.

Understanding that this year I have no family member leaving me, I can only assume that my feelings will be the same: painful at first, but then adaptation to my new role later. Don't get me wrong: I will miss many seniors. But they will move on and I will too.

Although comforting, this bothers me in some ways. Why don't I miss people more? I always assume our separation will be heartbreaking. It is painful at first, but after a few weeks I am back to normal. Is that how it is with everybody? Or is it just me that reacts like this? Does it mean I don't connect to people as much as I should, or does it mean I'm in healthy friendships and relationships because I am able to let go? I don't know.

Feeling no sadness makes me feel scared. If I got over a family member leaving, am I incapable of having strong feelings for anyone? It seems to me that the positive emotions I feel for people are inflated in my mind- I make myself feel that there is a stronger connection than there is (the same cannot be said for dislike- if I hate someone, those feelings take a long time to disappear, if ever). I only realize that perhaps I had exaggerated our relationship once they are gone and I feel fine. Or is it true that I feel strongly for them and I'm just 'cutting the cord' to make it easier on myself? I'm not sure. This is just a ramble of thoughts with questions that will most likely never be answered.

I (and you) need to stop thinking all of these sad thoughts. They never got anyone anywhere but down in the dumps. Besides, I believe that things will work out if you put in the effort and have a little faith.

To all of the seniors, congratulations on making it through high school! I hope you all able to do what you love, and I hope nothing ever holds you back but yourself.