Two Thirds and a Job Offer

It has been four weeks since my C++ class, putting me at the two-thirds completion mark. There is so much that I had been hoping I would be able to say by now. "I basically could build an entire Microsoft program by now with my eyes closed." "I'm putting the Rockwell employees who went to college for this to shame." "After doing this class, I realize that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life." But none of that, unfortunately, is true.

In truth? I feel like the stupidest person there. This is not a pity party; it is simply a fact of how it is. Yes, it makes me a little sad to be the least competent in the room, and I regret that the mentors attempt to stay away from me as much as possible (they all know by now that if they come over and ask, "Do you need any help?", they will be stuck there for the remaining hour of the class with me, my glassy-eyed stares, and my ever-frequent, "So...............?"). No matter how many times "Tokens" and "If/while sequences" are explained, I can't seem to build them by myself. Without help, I'm one of those flies that has one of its wings ripped off.

Surprisingly, though, I suppose I feel better about myself than I have in a while. Every week, I contemplate just not showing up anymore. I doubt anyone would care, probably feeling more of a sense of relief than anything. It's embarrassing to return week after week making barely any progress.

But return I have, trudging to my ego smack-down two days a week. I don't enjoy things being put in perspective, but this class certainly has done it. It showed me that there are simply some things that no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to do well. But I have also learned that it's okay. Try your best at everything, and don't give up even though you suck. Yes, I said suck. There's still always hope and other routes to take.

What's the hope in my story? I checked my e-mail and saw a message from the Human Resources department. I open the letter (can you say letter for online mail?) and what do I find? They have offered me a job to work as an intern during the spring and summer of this year. All I can think is, "what is wrong with these people?" Are they serious? Because if they are, I hope they know what a leap of faith they just made. A Hail Mary pass. A shot in the dark. I don't know how I could have gotten past all of their hiring hurdles with my track record in that class (they have to confirm I'm a resident of the US of A and I have to pee in a cup to make sure I'm not a drug addict. You think they'd check to see if I was actually good at this stuff before signing me on.

But I suppose that's not really my problem. My problem is how I'm going to survive actually working there. Supposedly I have heard it's not as bad as the class, which should be reassuring. But who knows for sure (I heard it from people who actually knew what they were doing)? I'll just have to wait and see!