Seniors

It feels weird knowing they will be graduating and leaving so soon. And yet, I feel odd about how I am going to miss them. I don't really have that many friends in the grade above me. Acquaintances, yes. People I talk to daily, yes. But no one I really spend time outside of school with. And yet, as I continue to get graduation party invitations, I find myself becoming sad as I think about their departure.

The same type of thing happened last year, too, I suppose. When my sister graduated, I felt that my life at home and in school would never be the same. She, her friends, and classmates all left our high school, and I thought that part of me would leave with them. But looking back, it didn't shake my world like I was expecting (you see all of those movies about how people are never the same once people leave). I didn't have many times where I thought, "My life would be so much better if they were all back here like it was my sophomore year." People around me had changed, but my life pretty much stayed the same.

Understanding that this year I have no family member leaving me, I can only assume that my feelings will be the same: painful at first, but then adaptation to my new role later. Don't get me wrong: I will miss many seniors. But they will move on and I will too.

Although comforting, this bothers me in some ways. Why don't I miss people more? I always assume our separation will be heartbreaking. It is painful at first, but after a few weeks I am back to normal. Is that how it is with everybody? Or is it just me that reacts like this? Does it mean I don't connect to people as much as I should, or does it mean I'm in healthy friendships and relationships because I am able to let go? I don't know.

Feeling no sadness makes me feel scared. If I got over a family member leaving, am I incapable of having strong feelings for anyone? It seems to me that the positive emotions I feel for people are inflated in my mind- I make myself feel that there is a stronger connection than there is (the same cannot be said for dislike- if I hate someone, those feelings take a long time to disappear, if ever). I only realize that perhaps I had exaggerated our relationship once they are gone and I feel fine. Or is it true that I feel strongly for them and I'm just 'cutting the cord' to make it easier on myself? I'm not sure. This is just a ramble of thoughts with questions that will most likely never be answered.

I (and you) need to stop thinking all of these sad thoughts. They never got anyone anywhere but down in the dumps. Besides, I believe that things will work out if you put in the effort and have a little faith.

To all of the seniors, congratulations on making it through high school! I hope you all able to do what you love, and I hope nothing ever holds you back but yourself.

Waiting Rooms

They are so awkward. Everyone sits around, waiting. No one talks to each other. When someone new sits down, the entire room watches thinking, "I wonder why they're here." And what are you supposed to do while you are waiting? You cannot simply sit there doing nothing, because then the whole room will be convinced you are an idiot (who is unable to read), a creeper (as you watch other people), or mentally ill (if you stare at a wall, trying to avoid looking like a creeper). So, to avoid being labeled as idiot-creeper-mentally-ill, you casually pick up a magazine and pretend to be interested. Perhaps you really do care about what Fishing Monthly and Women's Weekly have to say. But I know that when I pick one up, I'm focused on feigning just enough interest for people to ignore and not talk to me. I flip the page at appropriate time intervals, waiting for my name to be called so I can get up and escape as fast as I can.

But really, who made it a rule that waiting rooms were to be so socially-awkward? I have never been to one where the people are cracking jokes, making conversation, and enjoying themselves. It just doesn't happen. I know, I know, it's probably because this is the only time some people get to be quiet and alone, and they just want to sit and enjoy the moment. For the rest of us, the situation is too weird to enjoy.

So on Wednesday of this week I had to go have a meeting with someone at my new workplace. And what did I have to do? You are such a fabulous guesser: wait in a waiting room. But this room wasn't even worthy of being called a 'waiting room.' For one thing, it wasn't even a room; it was a hallway with two chairs and a table carelessly assembled to one side. Secondly, there was NOTHING TO DO. No magazines. No pictures. Nothing except for a worn out directory of contact numbers for workers in the building.

To make matters worse, my appointment time was at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Do you know how many people decide to leave work at that time? A lot. So there I was, being stared at by every person that passed by. At first I tried to look at my shoes and ignore all eye contact. Later, I gave up and gave them a weak smile. After I had been sitting for about ten minutes, each person got a full-blown "Hi!" There was nothing else for me to do, and let's just say I got desperate. I tried to avoid my idiot-creeper-mentally-ill look, but I don't know how well that one turned out.

Oh, and did I mention the security guards? The first one was nice, offering to call the man I was supposed to meet with. And after sitting there for twenty minutes with no answer, he finally decided to take me by the guy's office, to find out that my appointment-man had been waiting for me and just decided not to answer his phone (he only listens to voicemail, I guess). So that's a great first impression on my part. Anyway, right before I wandered around the building with guard #1, guard #2 came to take his place. And he wasn't like that nice old security guard I talked about in this post. Oh no. You know those people that just give you the creeps? That make you want to grab a taser or your rape whistle? Well, he was one of those. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid," I thought to myself. I mean, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt, right? I did, but it didn't last long. When I got out of my appointment and was driving home with my mom, I come to find out he had offered to take me home if my mom couldn't . Him. Drive. Me. To. My. House. Even if you were trying to be nice, that's just weird.

Needless to say, I would rather have a waiting room with a bunch of boring magazines and unsocial people than one with an icky security guard. Or just no waiting room at all. That's cool too.

The Security Guard and the Engineer

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in the lobby of an office building, waiting for the woman I was supposed to talk to. An old man sat at the security desk, his blue uniform pressed and comb-over hair perfectly in position. He looked at me with a kind smile and said, "Would you like me to call her for you?" I said yes, and he did. We then sat in silence.

It was around 5:00; the time when many engineers decide to call it quits for the day. Each murmured a "Have a nice night" or a "Take it easy" to the old man as they left. He told them to do the same.

Then, an older woman walked in. Her black hair was obviously dyed, and she her makeup was a bit excessive (with the thick mascara and pencilled-on eyebrows), but it suited her well. The security guard saw her and smiled.

"Are you headed out?" he asked

"Yeah, it's about that time." She glanced out the window at the rain. "Oh, drat! I thought it was going to be snowing out. Now I'm going to get all wet. But I might have an umbrella in here somewhere....." She began rummaging through her purse.

The old man laughed. After a few moments, the woman found her desired object. "Ah ha! Here it is!"

The guard grinned as he looked at it and said, "That's looks like a baby umbrella." It was one of those that can compressed, making it look very tiny. "But if it does the job, then why not, huh?"

The engineer woman laughed. "As long as it keeps my hair dry, I'm happy. See you tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay, you take care now." He watched the old woman as she left, a smile still on his face even after she was gone.

Now if that isn't cute, I don't know what is.